Unfinished

Dear Father,

Thank You! Today I finally realized what You have been doing for me lately. You have not left me. You have been watching, waiting, letting me get dirty and wallow in the mud and gasping for air as I struggle not to drown in knee-deep water -- so to speak. You've let me struggle just long enough to realize that I truly do need You. Without you, there is NO struggle I can overcome on my own. And, it is time I realize that that includes the small things as well as the big ones.

They are ALL big things to YOU. At the same time, all of the problems that are mountainous to me is but a small hill in Your eyes.

Sometimes the miracles You perform are not the miracles we pray for, but the ones that are in our best interest.

You have, today, reached out your hand and set me before someone who needed from You the same things I need from You. And, You asked me to minister to them. In so doing, I heard everything You said to me as You spoke through me to them. I heard You loud and clear.

I want You to know that it doesn't make the struggle stop for me; but, it does make it easier to deal with. It gives me something else to focus on.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your wisdom and comfort. And, for the Hope You give.

I know You can still give me the miracle I want if You want to. I still pray for that, but I am no longer yearning for it. Thank You.

In Jesus' Holy Name I pray,

Amen

He Understands My Tears

Father,

I need You. You are the only constant in my life. You are the only part of my life that, no matter how long I am away, no matter how big my mistakes, and no matter how low or in the dark I feel, I know I can turn to You and feel as much love, with as much passion as I did when my life was full of brightness. You are my light -- sometimes the only light I see at the end of a dark tunnel.

You once showed Paul that in weakness You are made strong. You allow the weakness because it shows us how much we need You. It is so with me, today.

I need Your strength today, Father. I need Your loving hand to pull me back on my feet. I need Your lap to curl up in. I need Your loving arms to hold me and make me feel as if nothing else matters.

I am tired of being strong, Father. My heart feels like the un-cracked Liberty Bell on the 4th of July, ringing so loudly, as if to say, "I am here! Remember ME!" until it cracked, and turned into a strong symbol of what it once stood for. It has nice memories, but is incapable of being more than that in it's present form.

I am broken.

And, once again I am looking to You to fix me. And, I am broken even more knowing that the thread You use to sew me back together isn't made to handle what broke me again.

But, You are a God of miracles, and I am begging for You to use something besides that golden thread this time. Even so, be it, if You do. Perhaps I need the thread to remind me that I am not made for that struggle -- so I won't engage in it willingly again. And, in that way, Your strength is made through my weakness.

You are my boxing gloves and my knee pads as much as You are that tiny beam of light in the far off caverns of the dark cave I am winding through. I need that light to guide me on out.

Thank You Father, that I still hope for a happier day, even when I don't feel it right now. Let my tears water the garden, Lord.

In Jesus' Name, Amen